I was hesitant to have my first post be one of sadness...but, unfortunately I cannot escape the truth, so here it is.
So earlier today [this actually occured about two weeks prior to the date I am posting this] I got a very long text message from my mom saying that Teddy (my once-puppy and best friend) had died at the dog clinic in Johnson County, Kansas. I am still in total shock over it, but I know I will recover well. I loved him so much it's not possible to express in word (although I'd be happy to try). I am getting teary even thinking about it (awww, right? haha). He was the best little companion in the whole world, and as
cliche as it sounds, he was kind, he had such a strong personality, he was a little bit naughty but most importantly he had a loving heart. (ANECDOTE) He laid with my dad every day when he was dying of cancer three years ago. Even if my father was vomiting blood, passing out from pain, hallucinating from the intense medications, etc., Teddy was always right next to him and would always pop up for a lick (and perhaps a return belly rub). Wow...I just don't know what to think about all of it. And to imagine that I am now going back home to Kansas to live for a while..and he wont be there! He has always been there for the last twelve years (he was a Bichon Frise btw, 12 years is a good life span). It was HIS little home and visiting him was the best. When I go home, I will see signs of him everywhere. There are pillows with his image on them, he has his own Christmas stocking, there are photos all over the house... He really was a part of my heart, and he definitely represented an important part of my childhood and life in general. Teddy was certainly more of an idea than
cliche as it sounds, he was kind, he had such a strong personality, he was a little bit naughty but most importantly he had a loving heart. (ANECDOTE) He laid with my dad every day when he was dying of cancer three years ago. Even if my father was vomiting blood, passing out from pain, hallucinating from the intense medications, etc., Teddy was always right next to him and would always pop up for a lick (and perhaps a return belly rub). Wow...I just don't know what to think about all of it. And to imagine that I am now going back home to Kansas to live for a while..and he wont be there! He has always been there for the last twelve years (he was a Bichon Frise btw, 12 years is a good life span). It was HIS little home and visiting him was the best. When I go home, I will see signs of him everywhere. There are pillows with his image on them, he has his own Christmas stocking, there are photos all over the house... He really was a part of my heart, and he definitely represented an important part of my childhood and life in general. Teddy was certainly more of an idea than he was a little critter of flesh and bone. Again, cliche, I know, but his passing really does represent a symbolic passage of my childhood (although I have yet to qualify the extent of this passage). With his death goes many of the memories of my youth. With hope, Teddy will be buried at our farm in Kansas (one of his favorite places to scamper around because of all the freedom he had to run, play, sniff and get into things he shouldn't get into haha). I even got a unique idea from a friend on YouTube to plant a tree where he is buried...of course, I love what the planting of a tree represents on a number of levels. I wish an avocado tree would grow there!
Teddy meant a lot to me, and my 'real life' friends know that. I loved him because he was naughty. I loved him because he was sweet, but he would always choose comfort over being personable (and I loved him even more for his willingness to be selfish--it was truly him). I loved him because he always snuck out to munch on the cat food even though he knew he would get in trouble (he weighed the benefits/risks of doing it haha). Yet, on an entirely different note, I am not surprised that few of my "real life" friends seemed to care that much or reach out to me. I have learned (unfortunately) that I shouldn't expect that much from others, especially when it's just a dog. I got about 25 messages from youtube friends that were so sweet and supportive...but those around me didn't really seem to care at all. Andre, Ahmed (Seth), and a few other friends did reach out and shared in a laugh, an awww, and a sad moment of silence with me, and I will always remember and appreciate that. See, little things can make a big difference to someone. Of course, I realize that I am especially vulnerable to emotion right now because I am going through a noteworthy transition (e.g. a huge move), and with that in mind, I cautiously temper my expectations from others. To Teddy *raises glass*
Michael
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